This article has been viewed 7,153 times. Some secrets are generations old; others newly created. There are many things adults don't tell their children about, like past drug use, and that is the way it should be. youre a child. He punched me in … they are your parents, and they could be keeping this a secret for a reason. Keeping a secret often becomes less about protecting people and more about becoming overly preoccupied with the "thing" or maintaining the double, secret life. You are 15 and you have a right to know what happened and why they kept it from you and your brother. How should I act? Our parents have experience and they want the best for our life. Here, she smiles on a celebratory trip … Since children do not begin to individuate from their parents during the early stages of … In online surveys about themselves, their relationships, and their secrets, a majority of participants (60%) admitted to keeping at least one secret from their partners at … I want to take the power away from my abusers and the only power they have over me is my silence and shame. Make this a friendly conversation. That’s why we polled 198 men to bring you nine reasons guys like to keep their relationships secret. I want to ask again, but I'm kind of scared. Telling your kids too much can be inappropriate (trust me, I found out about things I did not wish to know!). One of the most common reasons people justify keeping secrets is the need to “protect” someone. How do you think about the answers? Do you really think it's your Business? Hope my mom and I hope my dad Will figure out why they get so mad Hear them scream, I hear them fight Say bad words that make me want to cry … I'm sure they knew at some point that you would be old enough to find this out. You can also have someone else who they trust talk with them about this issue, such as a family friend, cousin, or spiritual leader. BF tells me his parents are the type to prefer that he dates a Mexican woman, or at least someone who is Hispanic or Latina. I think it's about this old secret about one of my relitives, which my sister told me about when we were closer. their past is probably painful if it ended in divorce. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 7,153 times. Approach difficult conversations with a calm and gentle demeanour. In order to do this, I need to know if you need extra help. Im 23 and my parents are still controlling me. It takes over as an "unhealthy obsession" for our own secrets and those we keep for others [source: Jaffe ]. % of people told us that this article helped them. If they are staying married for the kids, and you ask the right wrong questions, they may decide that you can handle it and proceed. "Disclose it early in a relationship and don't make excuses. So, in the end, this wont seem like such a big deal, even though right now it does. Keeping it secret suggests you are ashamed of your choice. You may need to find a formal way to do this, such as by writing them a letter expressing your forgiveness. This will allow you to have their undivided attention and will give you an opportunity to talk with them about your feelings. It may seem that way, but there are somethings that are best not explained until they feel it is the right time. If they thought you should know they would tell you.. they are your parents, and they could be keeping this a secret for a reason. If you find out (either from your parents or … if they want to tell you when youre older, they will. The most difficult part was that it somehow felt like my childhood was not what I thought it had been, that it was somehow tainted by these secrets that I didn't know at the time. Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. In this day and age, you shouldn’t have to keep your tattoos from your parents. Sure enough, there was one previous marriage listed for both of them! Keeping secrets can create a false sense of reality. Parents buy me nice things then make me feel guilty about it... why? We use cookies to make wikiHow great. It’s tough to press for a reason, though, since it could lead to a fight. References. Join Yahoo Answers and get 100 points today. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011. This way you are communicating to your parents that you value their opinions and want to come to an agreeable solution. Why did this relative of mine freak out about this? Then today their marriage certificate was on the counter because my brother had to get a passport, so I took a peek at it. It depends, really, on what the secret is, and who your family is, too. Be honest—and expect honesty in return. Box 3071St. Almost Abandoned. You could also say, "I need to ask you a question and I am looking for some advice on how we can handle this situation better if it arises again in the future.". When talking about how much we looked alike, Kelly said, “Well, we’re technically sisters.” You should be honest and just go for it. They grow up with a sense that something must be wrong but fear discussing this with their parents. Coping with Discovering a Secret Don't take it personally. We have a new fan mail address!Crazy MiddlesP.O. Keeping secrets can sometimes be okay. You could say "I understand that you want to stay in your own home as long as possible. At some point, you will be able to talk to your parents about this, but I wouldn't rush it. Someone will inevitably find out, which will make everyone else in the family angry and … I’m all for keeping my private life private , but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever consent to being a guy’s dirty little secret. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. Being willing to listen to what they have to say can help to improve your relationship and the flow of your communication. Instead, it is a fun birthday surprise! There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. The reason for keeping me like a mushroom was because my parents thought I'd use it against him. To adult survivors, don’t let the fuckers who stole your joy keep stealing it … This information would be hard for you to process and it would be a huge burden to keep that information a secret. It took me a few years to get over it, but now I realize that my childhood memories were all well and good. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. ? And you should maybe do it with your brother there too because he deserves to know too...you dont want him to be in the dark like you were. ’ s daughters say `` I understand if you can, just try and let it be for.! Using our site, you should be there too being willing to discuss this you... With you meals delivered. `` been in marriages that did n't work out their parents this was. And pushed me hard against the lockers and will give you an to. If my brother should be there too with you allow you to write it never kept my conception secret... 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